Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

by Bill in Portland Maine
Thu Apr 12, 2007 at 04:24:34 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...






Gonzales in Training

Okay, Al, you're really sucking at this timeline thing, so let's skip the US attorneys for the moment and start out real slow.

Gotcha. I wanna do good, fellas. I really do.

We know ya do, kid, we know ya do. Okay, here's a slow pitch. You were born in...

Nineteen...fifty...uhhh five?

Great! Yes! Perfect! And you got your degree from Harvard Law in...

Nineteen... eighty two?

Hallelujah, we're on a roll! Confidence, Al, confidence! And you got divorced in...

Nineteen eighty five. Hard to forget that...she cleaned me out.

God bless ya! Try this one: you became Attorney General in...

Two thousand and five. The president bought me lunch that day.

Yer battin' a thousand, buddy. Need some water? Anything?

I'm okay, thanks. Feelin' confident...

Stay frosty, pal, here comes a tricky one: you told the Senate Judiciary Committee on January 18, 2007 that there was no right of habeas corpus in the Constitution. Was that before or after you called the Geneva Conventions "quaint" in 2001?

Oh, man...

Take your time.

I think...

We're all friends in this room, Al. Breathe and relax...

I know, I know. I think... I'm sorry guys, I think I gotta plead the fifth.

Jesus, Al, no!! What the f... I mean, gosh, every time you get stuck you plead the goddam fifth! You can't do that, Al!!

Sorry.

Let's start again. You were born in...

[Cue the theme from Rocky] The fun starts Tuesday at a C-SPAN near you.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]